PETA Founder Bequeaths a Piece of Her Neck to King Charles in New Will
PETA Founder Bequeaths a Piece of Her Neck to King Charles in New Will
London – To prolong her animal protection activism long after her death, in her last will and testament, updated this week, PETA’s founder has bequeathed a piece of her neck to King Charles, some of her bare skin to the Ministry of Defence, and one of her legs, broken, to be displayed during the Grand National, among other of her body parts to be sent off in different directions when the moment arrives.
Ingrid Newkirk’s original will was drafted 20 years ago after the plane in which she was travelling encountered wind shear and was forced to make an emergency landing. Now, because PETA entities worldwide have won so many victories for animals since that time, she has rewritten it. Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus, the world’s longest running and largest circus, to which she had left her index finger to serve as the “Greatest Accusation on Earth” stopped using animals and will now receive a thumbs-up in thanks for leaving animal acts behind.
In papers filed with her attorney executor, Newkirk’s updated will includes the following bequests (and the full list is available here):
- A part of her neck to King Charles III if he has failed to cut ties with pigeon racing, since the necks of “losing” birds are often wrung after enduring cross-Channel and other races, during which many perish
- Some of her bare skin to the Ministry of Defence should the department still be using real bear skin for the King’s Guard’s caps when faux fur is readily available
- One of her legs, which should be removed and broken, to be displayed at Aintree during the Grand National, to draw attention to the horses who have sustained catastrophic injuries during races there
- A piece of her heart for Elon Musk to clone for himself, since his cruel and deadly Neuralink brain experiments on monkeys, pigs, rats, and sheep indicate that he doesn’t have one
- Her spine to cowardly trophy-hunter Donald Trump Jr, who might stop trying to prove his manhood by gunning down magnificent, unthreatening, and unsuspecting animals if he had one
- Her trachea to the administrators of Crufts, the world’s largest dog show, which promotes the breeding of breathing-impaired breeds, whose shortened airways leave them gasping and panting when they try to run, play, or even walk
- Her intestines to chef Nusret Gökçe, aka Salt Bae, to use as sausage casings in his meat-focused restaurants, thereby making him rethink whom he is serving up
- An ear to the King of Spain in protest against bullfighting, in which the matador often cuts off the bull’s ears as a trophy
- Her hair, made into brushes, sent to Truefitt & Hill, the world’s oldest barbershop, whose badger hair products are sold in Harrods
“On his deathbed, they asked Bob Hope where he wanted to be buried and he replied, ‘Surprise me,’” says Newkirk. “In my case, when I die, I hope to keep on surprising those who harm animals, provoking conversation about speciesism, and campaigning against animal abuse.”
Other directions from her original will remain as before, including frying up her flesh (with onions) for a human barbecue, curing some of her skin to create a leather belt and purse, and sawing off her remaining foot for an umbrella stand, like those made from elephants’ feet that she saw when growing up in India. Also included are burying another piece of her heart at Silverstone – as Newkirk is a lifelong Formula 1 fan – in honour of vegan racing champ Lewis Hamilton and sending Bruno and Rupert, the teddy bears she’s had since she was a baby, to an orphanage in India.
Contact:
Jennifer White +44 (0) 20 7837 6327; [email protected]
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